.png)
Disclosure: This article emphasizes the importance of understanding and acknowledging the complexities of parenthood, and being open to comprehending our parents’ perspectives. Proceed with optimism…
First, Let’s Acknowledge Our Pain
Our parents and caregivers were far from perfect. Their unperfect ways impacted us.
As little humans, we view our parents as superheroes. They seemed to make the impossible, possible. Mommy is Superwoman. Daddy is Superman. As we mature and grow through life, we gradually realize their human nature and begin to question and ponder their actions. With age comes the ability to discern and understand how certain actions taken by our parents have had emotional impacts on us.
Until one day we realize, they are humans, regular people.
Extensive research emphasizes the crucial impact of parents’ healthy nurture or lack thereof on children’s development and brains. Parents play numerous roles, such as providing a sense of belonging, being the first responder, cheerleader, mirror, protector, and mentor, among others.
It more than hurt when we don’t receive the love to mentally prepare us with confidence, feeling heard, understood, and celebrated.
As a result, many of us experienced feelings of depression, loneliness, and a sense of being unloved and lost in the vast world during childhood. These emotions often persist into adulthood and serve as the underlying cause of various issues we face. Issues like anxiety, depression, fear of abandonment, attachment issues, and the list goes on.
As adults, we continue to seek their love and never truly stop. It is a need. A desire. We’ll even deal with their toxicity because we feel we owe them!
One day, my mother told me, she didn’t owe me anything and, my aunt backed her up. THEY ARE WRONG! Parents owe children LOVE, guidance, and protection. When you decide to create new life, you owe it to that soul to guide them lovingly. You have a responsibility to be open to personal growth and improve your mind and heart for the sake of that soul.
They owe it to us because we trusted them with our lives. We did not deserve the pain we endured. PERIOD!
Now, Let’s Acknowledge Our Parent’s Pain
Yup. There is pain there too. Empathy & Compassion are keys to transforming pain into power.
Babies are not born with a uniquely tailored handbook. People perform the task of parenthood with what they know. And what do they know? Their own knowledge and life experiences.
Parents rarely get the chance to discover themselves before taking on the huge commitment of sharing themselves.
Parents like all of us collect knowledge from various sources such as society, friends, or the media. Considering the age at which your parents had you, it is worth contemplating whether they were mentally prepared for the responsibilities of parenthood.
Considering motherhood, it often limits a woman’s chance to heal her inner wounds or fully live life on her own terms. From the moment of pregnancy, a mother starts sharing her energy with her child. This selfless giving continues indefinitely.
The journey of motherhood can overshadow personal individuality and make it challenging to prioritize self-care and personal growth.
It is also crucial to acknowledge that our parents are a product of their upbringing. This affects their parenting style. Let’s remove their parental titles for a sec and reimagine them as regular people. Your parents were once in your shoes and may not have fully resolved their own issues with their parents. Hearing the stories of my mother’s struggles and challenges provided me with a greater understanding of her actions. It facilitated the process of acceptance and made it much easier to empathize with her experiences.
Our parents being a product of their upbringing means that the same applies to their parents, our great-grandparents, and so on. When negative influences or behaviors are passed down from one generation to another, it establishes a pattern known as a generational curse.
Generational Curses
Consider this scenario: a mother who rarely expresses love, refrains from hugging or kissing her children. It is highly likely that she experienced a similar lack of attention or emotional neglect during her upbringing. As a result, she unknowingly adopts her parent’s parenting style as a guide, and this pattern is also followed by her siblings, continuing the cycle across generations.
Generational curses are negative patterns that become embedded in a family’s bloodline. Many times, it appears to be the norm. It can manifest as recurring problems, challenges, or dysfunctional patterns.
With every new generation, comes the pain of the last. It’s called a curse because it is a particular energy that affects the whole family and is also a recurrent theme. It’s also called a curse because curses can be broken.
Fortunately, there are instances when the “black sheep” of the family emerges. This individual disrupts the established norms and brings underlying issues to the surface.
Referred to as the black sheep because of their unique perspective and approach, they challenge the family and provoke critical thinking, particularly among the older generations. Their purpose is to break the cycles of generational patterns. Are you the black sheep?
Another way to turn childhood trauma into power is by noticing and breaking curses.
It is often idealized that parents (mothers in particular) possess an innate ability to love their children unconditionally. However, the reality is far more complex. Consider the circumstances of your own mother, living under the weight of a generational curse, carrying unresolved pain, and enduring hardships. Now imagine the additional burden of striving to maintain not just her own happiness but also the happiness of another life.
Perspective Is Everything
According to belief, souls choose their parents before reincarnating on Earth. It is said that souls choose parents based on what they lack, rather than what they can provide.
The pain and hurt we experience in life serve a purpose and contribute to our growth and learning. Every experience we go through, even the challenging ones, plays a role in shaping who we become and teaches us valuable lessons. Pain is an inherent part of life, and it is often the pain we experienced during childhood that leaves a lasting impact and molds us into who we are.
By shifting your perspective, you have the power to turn your pain into a source of empowerment. Instead of allowing your pain to define you, you can choose to see it as a catalyst for growth and personal development. This change in perception allows you to utilize the lessons and strengths gained from your experiences. This is how we tap into peace and activate our power to see life happening for us instead of against us.
“If the things you are looking at can’t change, change the way you are looking at those things”
What Did Our Parents Do Right?
Sit back and ask yourself, what did my mom do, RIGHT? It HAS to be something. You’re not a total screw-up, are you? If you answer yes, PLEASE give yourself more credit.
They don’t ONLY do wrong despite everything I felt they didn’t do, I rather focus on the things they did do. Those are the things that acknowledge my strengths as well as theirs. My mom taught me leadership and compassion, my dad taught me how to be unapologetic. Negatives shouldn’t only be acknowledged; positives should be as well. We want to think delicious thoughts generally.
I suggest a valuable exercise of creating two lists: one focusing on the positive attributes and characteristics you acquired from your parents, and the other highlighting the negative traits or behaviors you wish they hadn’t passed on to you.
By engaging in this exercise, you can gain a deeper understanding of how your parents have influenced your life. For instance, you may recognize that your mother’s aversion to being photographed affected your confidence, while your father’s need for control has shaped your own tendencies. This process can provide clarity and perspective on your upbringing and its impact on your personal development. Furthermore, you gain insight into your strengths and areas to improve.
Let Go & Accept
Transformation begins with acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean forgiving or excusing the past; it means acknowledging the reality of your experiences without resistance or denial. By embracing acceptance, you create a foundation for healing and growth, propelling you to move forward and channel your pain for personal empowerment. As we mature, we mustn’t let our traumas define us.
Refuse to? You’ll remain a prisoner of your past.
*Everything is an Experience That Prepares Us, No One Experience is our LAST. Life will go on if you allow it *
You are the power. Your’e an ALPHA SIS-STAR.
Comments